I Don't Get It

I was pretty adamant about it. 

I refused to give in to all the hype a couple years back. I'd just roll my eyes whenever I would hear something on TV or refuse to read an article about what the latest craze was that was making all the middle aged ladies I knew lose their minds. 

And one day I was having lunch with a young friend of mine. She insisted I had to have it. 

So, I reluctantly bought it on my Nook. 

Should I sum up my review here or should I make you wait. 

Nah.  I won't put you through the misery I endured. 

It was the worst purchase I have ever made in my life. And after reading to final page, fully expecting that surely at some point there would be one single redeeming sentence in the whole damned thing, I found out I was wrong. If only I had stuck to my original principle and not given the author one single penny of my money.  

Hell, I would rather have given it to Michael Moore. And that's saying something. 

So now, all those rabid women who read the book are back at it. Because some idiot decided to make it into a MOVIE. Gad. Now I have to listen to all those same women drone on and on about who played Grey. 

I could only care less if they had cast Johnny Depp. Thank God, that psycho never made a penny from me. 

Ok, I understand all the idiotic sex scenes described in the book sent some horny old and apparently young women crazy, but I still didn't get it. 

Since I had originally heard many middle aged women talk about Fifty Shades of Crap (sorry, I cannot bring myself to say what should never be mentioned), I had assumed it was some erotic mid-age crisis drivel. 

And again, I was wrong. 

Instead the female lead was nothing but a fresh young newly-graduated college chick. And instead of following in the footsteps of all these crazed empowered feminists, she becomes some neurotic sex slave to a man that is several years older than her. 

That's it. The entire novel is nothing but this chick getting smacked, beaten and sex-slaved by this idiotic character. 

What the hell happened?  

I am NOT a feminist. Mainly because I think they are all idiotic Sandra Fluke wannabes. And that crappy book just proved it. 

I mean if feminists really believe the crap they spiel, then why didn't even one of them complain about this book?

I mean, here is this supposed smart college graduate who instead a of even attempting to become a functional part of society instead decides to be hit and whipped and controlled by this older man. She is not to have a job, see her friends and she must answer her phone the minute her "master" wants to screw her after he's finished with his female sex torture room. 

And not one radical feminist that I heard screamed foul. Not one. 

There was a deafening Bill Clinton silence. 

Feminists, my ass.