Commemorate Today

There's a Bathroom on the Right

So tell me.  And I know you've done it too.

Just how many song lyrics have you heard for years and suddenly realized you had the wrong word(s) all along?

I think it was only two years ago when I finally realized that allergies didn't knock Gilbert O'Sullivan down, but reality did.

And we laughed that my mom thought Jesus Christ Superstar was Pizza Pie, Pizza Pie and Tommy sure played a mean guitar.

And how many of you thought we packed up the babies and grabbed the old ladies to go see Reverend Blue Jeans?

I kinda knew that Jimmy kissed the sky, but too many people thought he kissed some guy.

And years ago when my nieces and nephews were little, they were sure that Ronnie Milsap wouldn't have traded one Mamaw Ree (what they called my aunt Rita) cause it meant to much to him.

So, what did you miss-hear?

Stop This Machine!

You know those moments when you slap a hand over your gaping mouth in order to keep from screaming out? 

When I watched this I noticed I had both hands over my mouth.



Thank God the toddler was okay.  While it was a stupid thing to do, it's horrible when the parents realize what has happened.

Heineken

I had just spent all morning doing what I hate. 

Shopping.

I had been to five different stores from Nordstroms to Marsh, when I realized something was missing.

As I was driving through the last parking lot, my left hand flew to grab my right wrist.  I realize it's missing.  My left hand becomes panicked.  Grasping over and over along my wrist.

I have on my favorite red jacket since it's a bit chilly on that November Saturday.  I throw the car in park and like a mad man, I rip off my red jacket in hopes that what I cannot find on my wrist could have fallen safely into the elastic sleeve of red. 

Turning the jacket inside out, frantically looking over the car seats, floor boards, between the seat and console.

Nothing. 

It's gone.

While my stomach lurches and I throw the car into drive retracing every single step I have taken that morning, I remember the first time I tasted a Heineken.

We had stopped at the island a few years before.  St. Marten or St. Maartin depending upon whether you are French or Dutch.  Six of one, half dozen of the other.

As the ship docked, we watched from our balcony the scattered storms that had just passed through.  I went back into the tiny cabin to finish getting ready for a quick breakfast and then out to replace the tennis bracelet we had bought three years previously.  We traded the bracelet at a hometown jewelry store when we got a "upgrade" (ahem) wedding band. 

Of course I loved the ring, but I also missed the bracelet.  Bob had promised that we would replace the tennis bracelet on our next cruise that returned to the island where we bought it.

Bob yelled at me from the balcony to come back out.  Out to sea was a beautiful double rainbow tossed between the storm clouds.  It was just beautiful.

Unlike other ports, we enjoy the shopping at Saint Maarten.  Our first visit found us at a very nice jewelry store where we bought the first tennis bracelet.  On our second visit we knew where we were heading.

We were strolling along the village streets when another warm downpour moved in.  We tucked under a shallow awning right next to a street vender.  Among his cart were ice cold Heinekens buried in ice.  It was barely noon.  There was no where to go and nothing else to do so Bob buys a couple of Heinekens from the street vendor while we wait out the short rainstorm.

Isn't it funny how plans being interrupted can suddenly become the best part of the memory?

I'm fairly certain that whole day would have been less memorable had it just been another sunny day.

We sipped our Heinekens along the street.  Looking back I remember how free I felt.  No work, no worries, no timeclock, no rules.  No reason not to have a Heineken with our backs along the warm bricked walls of local stores until the rain subsided.

It was the first time I had ever tasted one.  The rain made it taste wonderful.

As the rain abated, we made our way down the street to the store.  The store was narrow.  All the stores are narrow in this little village.  The salesman spotted the easy marks.  But because of our previous purchase we also knew we could get a great deal.  As we were eyeing the nicer bracelets, our slick sales guy was able to locate our previous purchase in their little handwritten book. 

Great touch.  It makes you feel important.  Rich. 

They are slick.  We kept looking over the bracelets and wavered a little when he tells us to take the bracelet out to the sidewalk to see it in the in-and-out sun.

That seems so odd, doesn't it?  Take a four caret diamond tennis bracelet outside the store without buying it first?  Yikes.  But we did.  And he was right.  The sparkle was VERY convincing.

When we came back inside, we saw two couples at the back of the store having a great time with the owner.  They were being given the royal treatment.  As Bob was haggling over the price another quick thunderstorm crops up.

We agree on a price, they are fitting the bracelet to my weakling wrist and so we wait.

We pick up on the conversation with the two couples.  Since it's pouring outside, we talk with them as they take another swig on their Heinekens that the store owner had brought them.

They are friends that have booked back-to-back 7 day cruises with Royal Caribbean.  14 days total was cheaper than a 10 day cruise.  They had shopped here several times, hence the royal treatment.

As we chat, the owner grabs a couple more beers and hand them to us while we wait for the bracelet.

Back to that November Saturday.

I retraced every single step in reverse.  Every step in the parking lots, into the stores, up the aisles, under the shelves, at the lost and found, leaving my name and number.  All the way back to my driveway and through the house. 

It was just gone.

And I wonder today just who is wearing my bracelet.  Since I left my name and number at every location, they never turned it in. 

So do they put it on in the morning and think they won the lottery or do they have just a little bit of guilt knowing that someone else lost it?

Either way, their memory is finding a bit of luck in a parking lot.  Mine is one of rain, beer, double rainbows, running outside to see the diamonds sparkle in the sun and another swig of Heineken back in the office with two other couples laughing a gorgeous St. Martin afternoon away.

The Strongest Woman I Know

He was dirty. A bit scary.

He never approached anyone, just stumbled around the tourist area.

He didn't beg.

So he blended into the background, overshadowed by the large number of other homeless people.

Close by was a fast food, independent vendor, selling hotdogs, hamburgers, all the touristy type food you expect, with picnic tables to enjoy your quick meal before moving on to see all the sites.

It's a city with great wealth and apparently a great number of homeless. The surrounding scenery was breathtaking, known throughout the world.

She was touring the city with her family. They had come a long way to enjoy the views and visit the city where she had started her family. They had seen the homeless everywhere they went and after seeing so many, they all seemed to become just a bit invisible.

Except for the Bush Man - Earns his keep by hiding behind the greenery and jumping out to scare the tourist.  Of course we watched his show and paid him for the entertainment.

When they sat at the picnic table, she was facing the homeless man. He was oblivious to her.

He was hungry and was intent on finding food and he found some.

In the trashcan.

My back was to him but to be honest, as awful as it sounds, I probably wouldn't have noticed.

But my mom did.

It upset her. Here we were, eating our food and this homeless man was picking through the trash to find something to eat. She sat down and took a bite of her food and kept shaking her head.

She couldn't eat. She just kept saying she couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand that he was digging through the trash to find food. She finally got up and said she was going to buy him something. We all pitched in money, way more than what would buy a hamburger. She ordered a sandwich or two, fries and a large drink. There was still money left over.

As she headed his way, I was determined to go with her. I wish I could tell you it was out of charity, but honestly it was because I wanted to make sure she was safe. It was daylight, but I know some of the homeless are not mentally stable.

He was sitting on a bench eating the little bit of food he scavenged from the trash as we walked up.

When I watched and listened to what my mother said, I was awestruck.

She approached him as if he was the greatest man she had ever met. She imperceptibly slightly bowed her head and quietly said, "Sir. Would you accept this food from us?" She carefully handed him the food and the money.

In the back of my mind I could hear the written words, "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." It was as if she was asking him for the greatest favor anyone could ask. It was as if she was approaching Jesus himself.

Even now, the gesture brings tears to my eyes.

Happy Mother's Day Mom.   I love you.

Don't Hate Me

Yes, I'm lazy right now. But considering I wrote this nearly three years ago now, I thought most of you have probably never read this story. So I'm reposting instead of posting, please don't hate me.


To me, the joy of traveling isn't just limited to the memories of the places we have been, but about the funny stories I can recall and retell for years. I'll post a few, although some were not funny at the time, they provide my family with some good laughs. Here's the first one.

You Have A Problem.

We planned a trip to Cancun many years ago. Although we had been on a cruise before, we had never been "officially" flying into another country. Leaving Indy, they checked our ID, which back then only required a birth certificate. Since mine had been just a copy, I had gotten a state issued one for our travel. Bob had his original one which was issued by the hospital and had a raised seal.

Back in the early 90's, Cancun airport was a mess. There were several hundred people all trying to get through a very intimidating Customs. Bob had noticed when we landed that there were actually tanks at the airport and many people with military style guns.

We were novices and nervous.

When we finally made it up to the customs agent, he looked at my birth certificate and moved to look at Bob's. Hmmmm, hospital issued, not state issued.

The agent, a very large scary looking guy, shakes his head. We looked at each other. The birth certificate should have been okay, we had checked at Indy. This guy just kept shaking his head. He said, "Robert, Robert, Robert. You have a problem."

WHAT DID THAT MEAN?

We are already in Mexico, what are we supposed to do. The agent said, "Birth Certificate, not good." It was loud in the airport and both of us could barely hear the agent. I leaned forward to hear him better and he gave me a stern look and gestured with his hand for me to back up. Again, "You have a problem." Bob laughed nervously and said, "What are you going to do? Send me home?"

The agent kept gesturing with his hand as if Bob should place something else in the paperwork. Ahh, something else. Bob patted his back pocket where his wallet was. The agent shook his head, and said, "Back of the room, back of the room." Bob understood right away, He was to take his paperwork and go to the back of the room and THEN add a little something extra to his paperwork.

Then the agent told me I had to go on through the line. He was separating us. Normally I can maintain calm, but this scared me. I looked up and I could not find Bob in the massive crowd on the other side of the line.

A couple minutes passed and he went back to the agent with his newly enhanced ID. The agent opened up the paperwork, took the $20 and said, "Thank you for the tip."

Nice.

I could not wait to get out of that airport. I was afraid it was a set-up and they would also arrest him for bribing a customs agent. I kept watching for some police to follow us. We only stayed in Cancun 4 days and worried the entire time that we might have problems getting back on the plane. There were none.

Back in customs in Indy, I asked the customs agent if the birth certificate had been ok. He said it was. I told him the Mexico agent "scared us".

I was afraid if I told our customs agent we had bribed the Mexican agent he might have to arrest us. The Indianapolis Agent knew what I meant. He said, "Get passports, they won't try to scare you again."

The Cancun airport has changed considerably since that time, it's now clean, efficient and welcoming. And the next time we went, there was no problem when presenting our passports.

But even 15 years later when Bob does something crazy, my family still repeats, "Robert, Robert, Robert, you have a problem."

Toast

Re:  Previous Post

Only three full days left.  No way you can overcome this.

Saying Goodbye with Respect

After dropping Bob off at the airport a few weeks ago on his way to our place in Fort Myers, he sent a text before I got to work. His text told me about an unexpected encounter.

As he was approaching the gate, he recognized an aging man heading the same direction.  He walked over to the man and shook his hand and thanked him for his service.  The man smiled and looked grateful for the acknowledgement. 

It was the old guy's 80th birthday and he was likely wondering whether people still recognize and respect his tenure.  He served three years in the Navy when he was young.  But for the last 45 years he has been an elected official serving the state of Indiana.

Richard Lugar was elected to the United States Senate in 1976 where he continues to this day.   Senator Lugar has few adversaries, on either side of the aisle.  He's the third most senior member of the Senate and the ranking member of Committee on Foreign Relations.  There were many elections that the Democrats didn't even bother to run a candidate against him because he's been virtually guaranteed a Senate seat, much like the late Teddy Kennedy.

Earlier this year, the Marion County Board of Elections determined that since Lugar had not resided in Indiana for the past 35 years he was ineligible to vote in the state.  They finally ruled, however, that he would be allowed to re-register using his Indiana farm address, a place he never actually lived.

Those that vilified the TEA Party, claiming they were radical extremists and accused of all kinds of racist ideals are the same ones who glorify the Occupy Wall Street crowd who demands free everything.  They also claim that the TEA party faded into the background, accomplishing nothing.

Except that we didn't fade into the background.  And we only believed in less government intrusion, less out of control spending and no more business-as-usual in Washington. 

Business as usual.  To the TEA Party, that means voting for bailouts, voting for liberal Supreme Court Justices, voting for allowing illegal aliens citizenship, not voting for amendments to prevent taxpayer money from funding abortions and not voting for a ban to earmarks.  Put a checkmark behind each of those that Senator Lugar supported. 

This TEA Party that was supposedly faded into nothingness, found a GOP candidate to challenge Senator Lugar in a primary election.  This hasn't been considered for years.  And up until a couple months ago, a candidate running against Lugar was considered to have been a joke.

But today it appears that Lugar's guaranteed seat in the Senate may very well not have his name permanently engraved any longer. 

The ads running against Lugar's opponent, Richard Mourdock would leave one with the idea that he is not much better than a crook.  But an analysis of the truth of the claims against him have proven the ads are in fact a lie.  Even Factcheck.org cites the ads as blatantly false and misleading.

Some of the latest polls show Lugar trailing by 5 points.

Today I visited the county courthouse since I will be out of town on primary election day next Tuesday.

For the first time in my voting history, I cast my ballot against Richard Lugar. 

When we say we no longer want business as usual in DC, we MEAN it.  Even if it feels a little like kicking Grandpa to the curb, we mean it.

I will continue to have respect for Indiana's statesman, but he has become so ingrained into the Washington culture that he no longer holds my political viewpoint.

Respect for his service no longer means voting for someone who does not represent my values. 

We'll see next Tuesday if Richard Mourdock pulls off the unthinkable.  If he wins, the establishment GOP will stand up and take notice.  No one could imagine such an established long-term GOP Senator would be voted out in a primary election.

Had I been at the airport with Bob that day, I too would have thanked Mr. Lugar for his service.

And I would have kept my decision to vote against him to myself.  Why ruin the man's 80th birthday?

So long Dick.  With all due respect....it's time.