Tolerance from my back yard

I remember as a kid singing a kid's song about Daniel Boone.  I cannot tell you where I first learned the song, but I guarantee you it was not from my own house.

The silly little song contained a derogatory racist remark about why Daniel Boone ran up a tree when he saw a big bear.

I distinctly remember my mom giving me hell for saying that "word" and told me how ashamed her very good black friend Gladys would be to know that I ever uttered that "n" word.

My mother's words burned into my psyche and I forever on believed that word was one of the worst words you could ever utter.  Nothing makes me cringe more that hearing that word uttered and I don't care what color you are when you say it.  I find it as offensive when the black rappers say it as much as I do when I hear a white racist say it.

Occasionally, unbelievably I will overhear a conversation about the KKK and those people are not condemning the group.   Although I keep calm, I cannot help but explain to them that I was raised Catholic and the KKK hated me and my family as much as they hated people of color.  Most never realize how that hate-filled group not only hated (and still do) blacks, but also Catholics.  Suddenly they find themselves staring into the eyes of someone the KKK hates and the discussion quickly ends.

I remember my mom telling stories of how her southern Indiana town sometimes had burning crosses in their yards because they were Catholic.

I try to stay away from posting blogs about politics, but I see the "new word" vitriol thrown about from the right and left.  They both do it and they are both wrong.

Anyone who carries a sign putting a Hitler mustache on Obama, on George Bush or WI Governor Walker and of course the "evil" Dick Cheney (sarcasm) should be required to spend one day hearing a story of a Jew who had to spend one year in an concentration camp.  Yeah, they have a right to their free speech, but they really need to understand how that free speech was bought, paid and bled for them to be able to carry such disgusting signs.  And maybe they would understand how making those comparisons diminish the true evilness of Adolph Hitler and his attempt to annihilate an entire group of people.

When I was a kid, I didn't have much of a political lean, as I grew older, I slowly grew into a Conservative.  

That doesn't mean I don't love a good discussion with someone that believes differently that I do.  I find those kinds of conversations as interesting as I do with my Hindu, Jain, Jewish, Muslim and even my athiest friends.  I know they will not change my Christian view and I know I will not change their religion or lack thereof, but I find it fascinating the differences and the similarites. 

That being said, I have yet to understand those people I disagree with that turn our discussions into a personal attack.  Believe me, I am not stupid and I cannot help but be offended when people call me filthy names because I believe differently than they do. 

I don't believe that diehard liberals are stupid, I just believe they don't see the world as I see it. 

It becomes apparent early on when I can have an intelligent discussion with someone that has a different opinion than I do and the one that just wants to make it personal.

A year or so ago I used to read and comment on a very liberal (although she thought she was a moderate) blogger.  When she referred to me as a Teabagger, I tried my best to explain to this woman why that was such an offensive term.  It didn't work.  When I backed her into a corner with her own words, she still didn't understand  my position.  It was then I realized I could not have an intelligent discussion with her about anything.

A day after comments back and forth, she posted an extremely nasty blog about all Tea "baggers".  I gave up.  Her hatred spewed out in her blog, which used to be interpersed with some conservative dialogue, but her nasty attacks now leaves her blog comments only filled with her blogging friends who believe only as she does.  It was a shame, she's an intelligent person but ultimately her hatred of anyone who believed differently overtook what used to be a fairly reasonable liberal view.

The same thing happened with a very good friend of mine after she (a few years ago) believed everything Michael Moore said when he directed the movie about 9/11 wherein Bush and Cheney supposedly knew, aided and abetted the attack.  I finally directed the conversation away from her ranting and raving by reminding her that we had met to help a friend who was grieving her sister's unexpected death, not to discuss politics.

Last year our 10 year friendship ended after she was ranting at the party about how unfair it was that some local big celebrity was sending his kids to a private school and this local celebrity thought it was awful that they were paying property tax to the public school and his kid couldn't participate in the public school's sports program, since he didn't attend the public school.  I asked her why that was any different than how I was paying property tax when our kids were long out of public school.  This local celebrity could afford to pay for his entire town and fund any sports facility in the state if he wanted his kids to get the best sports training.

She went on and on and then I made the worst mistake ever.  I answered her question when she asked me if I thought the big local celebrity loved this country.  He is known for being very political and I saw him at Farm Aid in October 2001 when a fan was waving the American flag past the stage.  The other celebrities would take the flag for awhile as they sang, the local celebrity waved his hand in dismissal when the fan tried to hand him the flag.   One month after 9/11 and he refused to touch the American flag.  So I answered her honestly.  I didn't call him Hitler, I didn't scream or yell.  I simply said, "No, I don't believe he loves this country."  That impression in October 2001 forever changed my mind about him, right or wrong, that was the impression he left me with.

One sentence in a rant that had already gone on for 20 minutes.

All hell broke loose.  I felt sorry for our hosts.  I was not about to say I didn't believe what I had just said, and it wouldn't have mattered anyway.  My former friend began to scream at me.  SCREAM.  At a private party of 7.  I did try to calm her down by saying that we would never agree, but that I would always love her anyway.

No change.  The yelling (not by me, I just shut up) when on and on.  The other ladies actually started physically moving her away from me as she screamed, moving closer and closer to my face.  After 10 more minutes I told Bob it was time to leave.  I hated the whole exchange for our hosts.  I went upstairs, put my coat on and the hostess came up to convince me to come back and join the "party".  I hated seeing her in pain, so I went back downstairs hoping my former friend had calmed down.

That didn't happen.  I turned my back, watching Bob and our friend playing ping pong.  In the background was my former friend still ranting and raving how awful I was and how stupid I was to believe what I believed.  The funny thing was that all of the other people in the room had my political belief. Maybe not my opinion of the celebrity, but the rest of the group were conservatives.

I watched the ping pong game for another 10 minutes and when I realize that was not stopping the one-person rant behind me, I made it very clear to Bob that it was time to leave.  I gave the other 4 people hugs goodbye.  Bob hugged the ranting woman who then told him that "some people should just keep their opinion to themselves."  She didn't understand when Bob replied calmly, "That's right Amy, some people SHOULD keep their opinions to themselves."  Her right to speak her mind meant that I was not allowed to speak mine because it didn't agree with hers.  I was just supposed to shut up and sit down.  You see her freedom of speech was so much greater than mine.

The ranting didn't stop after I left and in fact continued all the way home for one couple who had picked Amy up for the party.  After about 15 minutes in the car, our mutual friend finally said, "Amy I will never be as passionate as you are about politics and no amount of you screaming it at me will change my mind."

I was so upset for our hosts because they had loved our get togethers and the host is my oldest friend.  I sent him an email the next day saying I was sorry I ruined their party by saying one sentence that apparently started the complete chaos.    My friend who drove Amy home called me the next day to see if I was okay.  I was never going to bring up the incident (but I would never subject myself to that environment again) but I was so relieved that she understood how hurtful that incident was to me and was glad she stood up for me on her way home.  It was then I cried.  I told her I would always love Amy but that was the second time I had taken her abuse and I could never subject myself to it again.

As much as I would like to let personal verbal assaults about my deeply held beliefs not affect me, I am just not that strong.  When I try to reason with that person and I get only more insults or claims of not understanding why being called filthy names is insulting, I find it necessary to keep those type of people out of my life.  There are too many other dramatic things that are harder to deal with

The only thing that made it better for me was that my good friend of 25 years ( who is like a sister to me) stuck up for me and called me the next day to make sure I was okay.   I really wasn't, knowing how long we had been holding these parties and that all that was gone. 

You might remember the a few couple post back where I said that life doesn't make me cry very often, well this was one incident that it did.

I miss Amy, but I won't subject myself to that type of verbal abuse from a stranger nor will I subject myself to that kind of abuse from someone I love.

I cried all the way home from the party.  I only stopped when my long-term friend called me to say that she thought it was unfair and that she was worried about me.  SHE apologized for her/our friend's attack.   I want to thank her for being a true friend.  A forever friend. 

Tolerance needs to go both ways, but sadly sometimes that just doesn't happen.