Thought I'd see you one more time again

I must have been around 18, maybe 17.

I awoke up one Saturday morning to some disturbing news.

When I was growing up, our neighbor had a couple of grandsons that would visit every few weeks.  Raymond was a couple years older than I was.  I hadn't seen him for years and years.  At one point his brother was my sister's "boyfriend" kinda.  By the time I was 17, his grandmother was no longer living across the street and I cannot honestly tell you how long it had been since I had seen Raymond.

The same weekend, my father got a call from a good friend of his, I'll call him Bill.

Sometime during that weekend, Bill's son was in a Jeep with a good friend.  The friend ran off the road, striking a tree.  Bill received a call from a hospital doctor.  He was told his son was dead.  No "easing into it", no "I'm sorry", just "your son was in an accident and he's dead".  Bill and his wife had no other children.  The hospital doctor then put the friend on the phone.  It was apparently a heart-wrenching call where Bill was in shock and yet still managed to ask the friend if HE was okay.  Bill's son was 20-years-old.

That weekend we found out about Raymond.

While his parents were away, Raymond and a friend were alone in the house when they had "visitors".  Months later there was some story that perhaps (probably) Raymond and his friend had gotten themselves involved with some drug dealers and had not paid them.   Raymond had never seemed like that type of kid, but the "randomness" of what happened would indicate there was some underlying motive.

They believe a couple of men entered the residence.  Raymond and his friend were found tied and gagged.  Each had been shot once in the arm and then once in the head.  I remember hearing the phrase "gangland" style.  To this day, no one has ever been convicted of the murders.

My only thought was that I hoped Raymond had gone first. 

At the time of these deaths, I had not seen either of these two boys for at least 2 or 3 or 4 years.

But they affected me.

I remember feeling so vulnerable.  I remember crying for their families.   Raymond's death obviously brought out the news crews and it was awful to watch the family try to fend off the onslaught.

A couple of days later, I awoke to a James Taylor song.  Whenever I hear it, I am immediately transported to that time when two young men lost their lives and left me all alone. 

Maybe that was when the first time mortality had slapped me across the face.  Neither death actually affected any one thing in my life since they were no longer a part of it, but yet both of them did affect me. 

I was disoriented for many months.  You know.  During your teenage years you believe you will live forever and in one random weekend two deaths assured me that was not true.


Won't you look down on me Jesus
You gotta help me make a stand
Ya just gotta see me through another day
My body's aching and my time is at hand
I couldn't make it any other way.
I've seen fire and I've seen rain
I've seen sunny days I thought would never end
I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought I'd see you
One more time again.

Sometimes "one more time again" never happens.