Part Two of ?

See Part One here.

Of course everything was difficult. Finding a doc that will not only accept a new patient, but one that is dying is nearly impossible in our area. And oddly enough, you have to be referred to Hospice. You can't just pick up the phone, have your records transferred and get access to the service. 

Bill's family asked me to assist him with arranging his finances. In my view, that also required making sure COBRA was continued. The problem, as my brothers were also finding out, was that either the cancer was attacking Bill's mind or he was so overwhelmed with his past and current situation that it was difficult to determine exactly what he had done or not done. 

As the weeks moved on, he grew worse and worse. I had him make out a living will, a "dying" will and a POA for accessing his health care. I didn't want to get a POA for his finances. Although he had nothing and was deep in debt, he had a pension from his previous employer. He had insisted that he had sent the paperwork to his employer for both the COBRA and the pension, but I could not get him to produce copies. 

One frustrating evening I had gone to my brothers' to get some paperwork. Thankfully I was finally able to contact his employer. Also thankfully the HR director knew of Bill's situation and gave me information that helped in accessing the COBRA and the paperwork to get access to his pension.  When I asked my brothers where Bill's mail was, they said they had given it to him. I told them to stop giving him mail. He never knew where it was and was rather secretive about the paperwork even though he readily accepted my help.  When I asked for the pension paperwork, he gave me papers regarding his original diagnosis, some three years ago. 

As my brothers were dealing with trying to take care of this dying man physically, I was in contact quite a bit with his older brother, attempting to give them what financial advice I could.  

Sometime in early February last year, it was apparent Bill would not last much longer. His brother told me he and his sweet Tennessee bride and their sons were planning on visiting in late March. 

In my role, I felt I needed to be extremely direct. Not only with Bill, but with his family. I explained that I thought that would be too late. I wasn't sure he would still be alive in those six weeks. His brother took my assessment to heart and arranged to come visit, alone just a couple of weeks later. 

As I sat at my brothers' table that day, Bill had rallied back and was able to produce all of the paperwork we needed to get things rolling. I wondered if my cousin thought I had been exaggerating. However the rallying only lasted one day and before his brother headed back home, he was again in really bad shape. 

His brother planned to return again as they had originally planned in late March. 

And from there the story takes an even more tragic turn. 

In late February, the brother and his sweet bride were going for their normal morning run. She had been out of breath for some time, enough to go to the doctor who sent her to the hospital. Where they found a tremendous amount of fluid on those perfectly healthy lungs. A liter and a half. 

And it was cancerous. 

How can that be?  

This woman was in incredible shape. She ate right, never smoked, ran several miles every day.  Not to mention that it just didn't seem fair.  The world is bereft of such sweet people. She was kind, gentle, sweet and loving. She was only 49. How did she get lung cancer?

After the diagnosis, the doctor explained that her cancer was not curable but was certainly treatable. He indicated he had patients that had been diagnosed ten years ago. The treatment was occasional rounds of chemo. There was some hope. Not great news, but not devastating either. 

Obviously the family trip in March would be out for my cousin. His wife needed to start chemo right away and although his brother was dying, he had to be there for his "child bride" as he lovingly called her. 

The next few weeks Bill grew steadily worse. Hospice was finally engaged and began regular visits. By then, my brother Mark was a full time nurse to a very belligerent patient. Since Bill had been a nurse, he was insistent he knew what he should be taking and when. But his mind was going quickly. 

The great thing about Hospice is not only the care they give the patient,but the counseling they give the family. Mark has described it as more like an intervention. They counseled him on how to deal with a stubborn dying man. They also adjusted Bill's medication to keep him more sedated since the end was nearing.