Two Years From Now

If it was two years from now I could get my driver's license.  

I still remember what my dad said when I uttered those words 36 years ago.  He looked at me over the dinner table and said, "Don't wish your life away." 

At 14 I didn't listen.  No fourteen-year-old listens. 

And without listening, those five words still ring in my ears. 

After I turned 16 and got my driver's license, I felt out of place with my high school classmates and couldn't wait until I turned 18 and got out of high school. 

I did the "mid-term" graduation thing, which probably left me out of alot of the senior year moments.  I went to work after school and then was always 2 years away from everything I wanted to accomplish.

Getting married, having babies, being financially comfortable.

I have always spent my life being 2 years away from my goal.  My father has been dead for almost 18 years now and I can still hear him telling me not to wish my life away.

So now, I feel like I'm two years away from retirement. 

Except that I have managed to find a wonderful job with funny, great people.  But then sometimes my mind just wonders when is it my turn to just relax.  I've worked full time my entire adult life.  That would be a full 33 years now.  When is it my turn?  I never got to take a 6 week maternity leave.  Even when I had my hysterectomy, I was back at work in 3 1/2 weeks, way too soon.   That was the longest time I have been off work since I was 18.

Bob has gone back to work at a FTE, so we can have our insurance.  I normally work a 40 hour week, but this week put in over 56 hours.  Certainly that's not the worst week I have worked in all my career, especially since it's with people I enjoy, but it's still alot of hours. 

And I wonder when is it my time?  When do I get to sit back and enjoy life, knowing I've spent over 30 years working toward a goal of not having to work anymore? 

I have to be honest and say that I long for a resting time.  But then again, what would I do?  There have been less than a dozen days that I have awaken on a morning as an adult and not been one someone's payroll.  So, what would I do?

I've imagined all kinds of great post-career achievements.

But I'd really like not have to wake up with an alarm clock.  Not have to worry about some idiot I might be working with and just feeling like my life should also include just feeling like I get to do what I want to do.

Now if I could only figure out what it is that I want to do.