Shock and Awe

Yeah, I started May with good intentions. But sadly as soon as we returned, we had one family drama and then tragedy after another. I thought the year my father died in 1992 was the worst year of my life was bad, but this year has left me, at this point, in complete shock.

I'll go into the other details at another time, but after 4 horrible incidents I will only detail the 5th one since it didn't begin until Friday, September 2nd.

My mom has been the strongest women I have ever known. In early August, she was still cutting her own grass which was not a small yard. She has never been sick. Sure a cold now and then, but she has never been seriously ill, ever.

May 24th she turned 84. Her mother was always sickly and she lived to be 93. I called her on her birthday, which was the day we were flying back from Italy. I felt badly missing it, but I knew my mom would understand.

On Monday, August 29th, I got a text from my brother-in-law saying Mom had been getting seriously out of breath and the week prior they had taken her to have her heart checked. The results: Normal. But by then she was becoming very very weak. So they took her to the ER. Later they said her blood sugar was in the 400's so the ER said she was diabetic. I wasn't really buying that, because except for the high blood sugar, there were no symptoms that would indicate diabetes.

I was planning on coming down Labor Day weekend on Saturday. Thursday night, my brother spent the night with her and we was worried about her. He left mid-Friday and by the time my sister checked on her later that afternoon and she could barely move.

My brother-in-law sent me a text about 3:30 saying they were taking mom to the ER again. I packed a quick suitcase and headed out for what would normally be a 2 1/2 hour drive.

Except they are expanding I-69 and there was some 8 car pile up on I37 and the normal 20 minute drive from Martinsville to Bloomington turned into a 2 hour horrible delay. I suddenly found myself in the middle of Indiana University and trying to ignore my GPS because it wanted to direct me to more delay. My nephew called me at that time and was able to guide me to a road I recognized. Probably an hour still away from Jasper, Indiana where the hospital was.

I saw my niece sitting outside the hospital waiting for me and I had a pretty good inkling she was there for a reason. I gave her a hug, she said her brother and my sister was in the ER with her and she would text her brother to come out so I could go in.

In the meantime, it didn't go unnoticed that she was walking past the ER to a more deserted hallway in the opposite direction. Then she told me the news that I realized they had received only a few minutes earlier but knew it was best to wait to tell me until I was there.

My healthy as an ox, never complaining mother had cancer. Not just A cancer, but it was in her pancreas, liver and lungs.

That was Friday, Sept 2nd. Mom passed peacefully at her own home surrounding by all her kids and my sister's daughter and son, the next Thursday, September 8th.

There are many amazing stories I could tell you about those few precious last days we had her. She was amazing and funny and accepting of her fate. One day I will get to those. She passed away six weeks almost to the hour after Bob's sweet father passed. I was there at the end for both of them. Something I will never regret.

But at this time, I am just stunned. I know everything will hit me later, I'm really good at denial, I learned that when my dad died 24 years ago.

So, for those who were wondering, I'm still around. Except I'm not me, just a shell of myself until all of this year hits me. I'm not looking forward for those days.

Until them, call your parents, your kids and everyone else you know and tell them how much you love them. Those were words my mother always said to us and we said to her. My dad waited until he was dying before he could say them.

In the meantime, I'm praying for 2017 to be better.

Peace and love to you and yours.

I'll leave you with this. She wiped away my very first tear, I wiped away her very last one. I'll go to grave remembering wiping away that tear.