I Hope I Never Understand

Last fall a former co-worker of mine was killed in a traffic accident. He and I were not particularly friends, I found him to be quite odd and brash, but after my father's death, I believe no one should be alone in grief and every bit of comfort adds just a tiny speck of peace.

I attended the funeral along with a ton of people I had known through work. As friends and family got up to speak at the funeral, I found that I really had never known this man who I worked with for years. Many of my friends found him warm and funny, so maybe it was just a personality conflict I had.

I was told just before the service that his wife was a very devout atheist. I have a good friend who is an atheist and while I will never understand it, we can discuss and joke about our differences.

Tonight I happened upon a blog my former co-worker's widow is updating every few days since his death. Her grief is palpable and breaks my heart, especially when it's apparent that she can find no comfort from any faith whatsoever. Death is death, period, end of story.

The service, while pleasant because of the funny stories, was, at least to me, so adamantly not Christian. The last speaker was his nephew. He was eloquent. He stated that he was a Christian as was the surviving parents and that the widow was not. You could "feel" that the death was doubly hard on my co-worker's family as they were obviously devout Christians and I cannot imagine parents burying their son and not being able to have a simple prayer said at his funeral. The nephew respected the newly grieved widow's wishes, but did manage to say that the grieving father had stated that he had baptized his son in the River Jordan. I was so impressed with the nephew's ability to give some comfort to the grief stricken parents while not upsetting the non-believer family.

After reading the blog, I hurt for her loss. It's obvious they had dearly loved each other and were best friends. I cannot imagine (nor do I want to) her horrible horrible grief.

So although she most likely will not appreciate it, I will say a prayer that she finds a little bit of peace each day.

I simply don't know how you do that when you have no faith to hold on to. I pray she finds that in her journey.

I also pray for my atheist friend and all those who cannot or will not even open their hearts to a possibility that there is a God. I just feel so sad for them.